may be i don't mean to be it??

for any subject regarding the audiology course, i may do all these...
1) pay attention only for several minutes
2) copy all the notes without paying any attention towards the lectures
3) drawing ( skill that does not exist )
4) blur all the time
5) answering the question (wrongly of course) 0r confidently said, "I don't know"
6) chatting
7) messaging
8) dreaming
9) thousand blinking
10) praying for the class to finish earlier

audiologist does not exist with all the behaviors and i feel like i don't mean to be that. seriously!

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hard to sleep ( previous disease of mine), brain kept missing someone, heart did not know.
kept thinking that was not the right thing to do. heart burning. brain freezing. painful. never understood what had happened. glaring. blinking. focusing on the dark night. damn! still can not forget. flash by flash. like a flashing camera. all the memories flew right in front of the eyes. kept praying. please make me forget. please make me forget. please make me forget. at the end, just fell asleep with a little tears on my cheek.

i did not mean to be like that...please be strong!!

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a slow conversation. slow explanation. slow answering without fierceness. turn to blast. blast with impatiences. who to be blamed if the other side full of egos? just admit that you are the wrong one. then, the problem will be settled. heart never satisfied but it was the best way.

i did not mean to be like that...but had to!!