double D

sometimes people do not how to enjoy their life when they are surrounding with millions of work. everyday, there will be couple of tasks need to be settled. i am starting to involve into that world but still hoping for some space for me to breath and laugh. this week, my schedule fulled with lots of undone assignment, program and task. my plan to have a couple days of holiday at home was canceled due to those undone works. serve me right! but never learned from experiences. still loving to do and settle the work at the last minute moment. but this week, specifically yesterday and today i could forget all the waiting works. i could enjoy my day blissfully and excitedly. double D really gave some space to breath and some space for me to leave all the 'chaos mind' behind. and now, hoping for the better day of tomorrow. i am planning to settle the important proposal that should be submitted last Thursday and do all my assignments. hopefully, all the works can be done successfully. huh~

owh! double D will be elaborated on the next post (^_^)

i'm sorry
sometimes i can be really harsh
just don't play with my patience
i had enough
i respect you as someone who are younger than me
but if you can't respect me as i do
just go!
i had enough for today
i just had enough!
don't just simply think only about yourself
please do think about others
i had a fully pack day and i just hope some cooperation from you
you just proved that you couldn't
then, just go!
i had enough for today!

hikmah atau hipokrit

merungut tentang kerja orang lain, senang

mengutuk kerja orang lain, senang

menayangkan muka tak puas hati atas kerja orang lain, senang

menyakitkan hati orang lain, senang

cuba berada di tempat aku dan laksanakan segala tugas tanpa kerumitan

masih senang???

aku lembut hati. itu kata seorang teman. teman di sekeliling menjadi tempat luahan atas ketidak puasan hati sendiri. itu juga kata seorang teman. tapi aku tetap aku. masih sukar untuk melampiaskan amarah pada yang berhak menerimanya. mengapa?? aku lebih memilih untuk menyimpan daripada memarahi kerana air mata mudah mengalir bila amarahku dilampias. jadi, menyimpan perasaan amarah lebih baik kurasa.

hipokritkah aku dengan diri sendiri?? atau ia satu hikmah buat diri??

upset

marah. bengang. sakit hati. kecewa. jangan fikir aku diam, aku patuh. jangan fikir aku diam, aku dungu. jangan fikir aku diam, aku bodoh. jangan fikir aku diam, aku tiada perasaan. jangan fikir aku diam, aku bersetuju. jangan fikir aku diam, kamu semua boleh pijak kepala aku. jangan fikir aku diam, aku tak tahu marah.

jangan sesekali cari pasal dengan aku. aku sentiasa simpan dan lampiaskan pada benda lain. jangan biarkan aku lampiaskan pada kau semua. aku masih boleh sabar. aku masih boleh diam. aku tahu aku tak sempurna dan aku tahu aku buat silap. tapi jaga kata2 kau. terlajak perahu boleh undur, terlajak kata buruk padahnya! mulut jangan busuk. hati jangan kotor. aku diam tak bermakna aku mengaku.

kalau rasa diri hebat, jangan pandang rendah pada orang lain. selagi aku bertahan, aku tahan dengan kau. aku mungkin tak sehebat kau dalam meluahkan amarah tapi aku juga tahu marah. aku senyum dan angguk tak bermakna aku pasrah dengan kau. kerana aku tak bodoh untuk sentiasa menuding jari pada orang lain. kalau rasa diri tidak mahu dikatakan bodoh, berhentilah berperangai begitu.

kerja aku bukan menjaga kebajikan kau semua sahaja. banyak lagi kerja yang perlu aku utamakn. duit aku tak sekepuk kau semua. boleh tukar handphone tiap2 sem, boleh topup tiap2 minggu. aku bukan anak orang kaya. aku cuma sederhana dari segala benda. kalau aku terkurang memberitahu pada yang lain, bantulah aku dalam memberitahu. bukan menyumpah seranah aku di belakang. berhentilah jadi TALAM! kalau kau semua talam berisi tidak mengapa tapi kau semua talam kosong. talam karat yang tak boleh guna. sental banyak kali baru kembali elok. jadi, aku tak nak menyusahkan diri menyental kau semua.

kau semua berpijak di atas bumi yang sama dengan aku. belajar sama dengan aku. cuma cara pemahaman kita yang berbeza. kalau kau semua rasa amat hebat, bagus! tapi jangan terlalu menunjukkan sikap annoying kau semua. aku penat dengan sikap kau semua. berpura2 nombor satu. aku ada kekurangan dalam memarahi orang tapi mungkin itu satu kelebihan untuk aku. tapi tolonglah jangan terlalu berlagak di hadapan aku. aku tak mahu jadi golongan talam seperti kau semua.

dosa yang aku ada mungkin tak tertanggung, ini pulak nak menambah dosa yang aku sendiri boleh elakkan. tapi aku tetap pohon, pohon jangan begitu lagi. kau semua ada otak tuk berfikir. jadi sama2 lah kita berfikir dan sama2 berubah ke arah kebaikan. aku penat marah orang sebab aku bukan jenis yang senang tuk melampiaskannya. jadi hormat aku bila kau semua dah setuju memilih aku. aku tak pinta dipilih tapi kau semua yang memilih. aku berhak dihormati. kau semua juga begitu. jadi, respect other people, then people will respect you back.

aku mula annoying dengan kamu si 'A'!! kamu si angkuh bermulut celupar...

ada senyum ada juga duka

isnin yang lalu menggerakkan diri ke taman berdekatan tuk meriadahkan diri bersama zakiah. sebelum itu, menyinggahkan diri di atm bagi mendapatkan sumber kewangan. duit digunakan seperti laju arus sungai. haisy~ cuma yang mahu ditekankan di sini, saya terserempak dengan 'lesung pipit guy'. terus senyum sampai taman. =) tak salah admire orang kan?? hee~ oh, lupa! zakiah, saya terserempak orang lain ye, bukan dia. itu kamu yang terserempak! hehehhe!=p

hari ini, bukan dipinta tapi terserempak. nampak tapi tidak pandang. cuma terkilan, someone yang kita pernah rapat dan berkongsi cerita, sekarang amat asing pada diri. faktor masa dan keadaan. itu jawapan yang tepat kurasa. kalau kelmarin pernah menerima komen yang diri ini mempunyai hati yang kuat or tabah, itu mungkin. tapi tak cukup kurasa. hasiy~

maaf itu mungkin....lupa itu mungkin...tapi tidak semua....

krisis dengan diri sendiri

diam. duduk. fikir. tetap tak tahu kenapa.
tunggu. tunggu. dan tunggu. tetap tiada butiran berita.
pelik. marah. bengang. tapi kenapa.
tiada kaitan. itu tahu. mahu bicara. malu bertanya.
biarlah....tunggu sahaja.
mahu larikah? kenapa? tak kejar. tak perlu kurasa.
biar orang tak faham. krisis dengan diri memang sukar difahami.
mencari jawapan. tapi tetap tiada.
ahhh!!! lantaklah! malas mahu berfikir! malas mahu tahu!
tapi jiwa ini sukar! kenapa??


ada benda yang tidak boleh dikongsi dan ia menyukarkan diri. padan muka!!!

14th of feb 2010 - sweet date with zakiah (^_^)

we never expected that we were heading to TC. after did some shopping, we just decided and we went there. weird because there were lot of cars. then, both of us faced each other and spontaneously said, "ohh..ok, ari ni 14. lupe plak".

that was a romantic night actually. couples holding hands, girls holding flowers, mothers holding babies, children playing kites, girls playing bubbles, guys chatting, girls running, and most importantly we were sitting and eating. ignoring other people's business.

at least, our bored feeling while staying at hostel gone on that night ٩(̾●̮̮̃̾•̃̾)۶

a year

valentine's day, not a good day to be celebrated especially for Muslim. for me, it is not good to be remembered either. i hate this date. for personal reason of course. not because it is valentine's day but because its date. it brought me lot of tears and i never forget about it. tears because of something really stupid. n a day after that, i found a decision. a decision that once i thought it was wrong but after quite sometimes, that was the best decision i had made. i really felt proud because of that decision n till now, i do feel proud of myself. sometimes, i could not believe that i had gut to do the decision. but it was some kind of proof that i already realized my stupidity on that time.

no wonder my friends always said on that time, "just stop". then i know why.

i do forget even not all......(^_^)

they all got their own hair pin

~moo~

~gg~

~puteh~

~momo~

i already finished all my assignments.
i'm relief
i'm easy
i'm happy
those are mine
and they are really cute
they make my day
erm..is it true??
whatever it is...i feel soooo easy
not to mention another assignments are waiting
i just want to feel this moment wholeheartedly even for a while!

stuck

after finishing myself from my responsibility as a Muslim, i sat and thought whether i should start doing my assignment or not. then, i decided to have a nap first. after that, i prepared myself to start my work. and now, i'm sitting and waiting for ideas to boost out from my brain. happen to be my brain does not work rightly and properly now. i can't think of anything. stuck! all things that i already started before, nonsense! all craps! seriously hopeless right now. i wish to have something that can stimulate my brain to work vigorously. what happen to me?? huu~

my head, brain and obviously my mind stuck numbly!

tired

its true when i felt that i'll face with some difficulties in my days. i tried my best. we all tried my best. but the end of our day, we only got these words from them, " your presentations are one step below than previous batch". it was hard and till now its still hard to acknowledge it. what a tired day. full with unwanted and uninvited things. if i just could say "shhoohh" and they will disappear, how glad I am. ffuuhhh~ seriously, i already tired even it is only a start for this week.

this semester filled with presentations and assignments. already tired of these.

crap!! drives me crazy

there are lots of crap stuck inside my head. those craps give me severe to profound matters for me to handle. my lappy becomes insane which drives me crazy and yesterday, i got hit by a really heavy stone called 'pediatric audiology result' which caused my scar to bleed again. my days full with unexpected and unwanted matters. i wish i can run from all those crap things. now, i really have to manage all those things wisely cause i'm the one who seek for them. serve you right needa!!

hei craps! please go away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i lost my 10 years of life just like that! what the duck???